


Promotion

by Castiron



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Crack, Other, Pranks and Practical Jokes, commentfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-04
Updated: 2007-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-23 16:21:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/252375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiron/pseuds/Castiron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Duv is reasonably sure that if that were a real Barrayaran tradition, he'd have heard of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promotion

**Author's Note:**

> A cracky fic originally left as an LJ comment.

Duv stood in the middle of Miles Vorkosigan's parlor and stared at the others. "You are joking, I hope?"

Ivan grinned and patted Duv's shoulder. "Didn't anyone tell you? It's one of our most secret Barrayaran traditions."

Duv's jaw tightened. "I am absolutely certain that if Barrayar had any tradition of celebrating high-level promotions with homosexual orgies...."

"Bisexual orgies," Byerly Vorruyter piped up from the sofa.

Ivan sighed. "Well, By, yes, if you insist on counting the goat."

"Goat?" Duv still stood his ground, but his eyes darted about.

Miles snorted. "There is no goat involved. Just the four of us, and Allegre, Illyan, and Gregor when they get here, and our wives later this evening."

Duv relaxed slightly. "Good. You _are_ joking."

"No joke," Ivan said cheerfully. "Didn't you ever wonder why Illyan never accepted a promotion? Because he didn't want the rogering that goes with becoming a general."

The hunted look crossed Duv's face again. "I'm certain it's purely metaphorical."

"Ivan," Miles warned, "you're unsettling my guest."

"Just making sure he knows what he's in for," Ivan said, picking up an especially cream-filled pastry off the buffet.

"Breathe deeply and bear down," Byerly suggested. "Makes it so much easier."

Duv started to inhale, stopped, and finally said in a choked voice, "I spent five years researching the practices of Barrayaran government. I am passingly familiar with every tradition from swearing fealty to changing the banners at Vorhartaung Castle. If promotion to general traditionally required that the newly promoted man be sodomized by his friends, colleagues, relatives, and Emperor, I would most certainly have learned about it before now."

Another voice, slightly amused, came from the doorway. "And I rather think I would be aware of the tradition as well."

All turned to face Gregor. "Er," Ivan said, "good evening, Gregor."

"Do go on, Ivan. I'm curious as to what other traditions I seem to have been oblivious to for all these years."

Miles shook his head. "Duv, Ivan and By have been pulling your leg. There is no such tradition and never has been. The only decadence planned for this celebration is a large amount of my district's wine. My word as Vorkosigan. Now, shall we sit down and start on that wine?"

* * *

Gregor related the incident to Laisa that night after they had retired to their rooms for the night. "Poor Galeni," he said.

"Oh, I wouldn't feel too sorry for him," Laisa said, putting away her notes on the budget. "Especially given the most secret traditions of the Komarran oligarchy."

Gregor's eyebrows rose. " _What_ most secret traditions?"

Laisa only grinned and kissed his forehead. "Good night, dear."


End file.
